June 2, 2011
By: Deja Nicole Greenlaw*/TRT Columnist
The third Sunday of June is traditionally Father’s day. I wish a Happy Father’s Day to all those people who are and have performed the roles and duty of being a Dad! Having children is an incredible gift in life and your children can give you so much joy. They will also drive you crazy but that’s part of the package too!
Today’s father is all the traditional blood fathers as well as the step fathers, transmen fathers and the transwomen fathers. Today’s father may not be a blood father, but one who has taken on the roles and responsibilities-and love of the children-in the family. Sometimes the step dads are much better dads than the blood dads are. I respect all fathers. I especially respect those who enter into a family, which has already been started. They walk into a potentially tough situation and sometimes it’s not so easy. It depends on a lot of things but these dads can give so much more to the children, sometimes way more than the “real dads” do. In reality, they are the “real dads.” A tip of the hat to them for all they do!
Now the subject of transwomen fathers can be difficult to understand. A lot of transwomen who have children from a traditional relationship are now in their female self and do not wish to be called anything with a male gender attached to it. I can respect that. It’s a tough road when one transitions. I know. I’ve been there, done that.
The transwomen who may not like to be referred to as fathers, may prefer to be called mothers or just simply, parents. There is a Facebook site calling for a “Transparent’s Day” and many transpeople have joined the site and they share wonderful stories of how their children accept their transition and they now consider themselves transparents. I think that this is a wonderful idea in that it shows the love and acceptance of those families when one member is a transparent. Of course not all children accept their parents’ gender transition, so kudos to those that do and have expressed so for all to see on this Facebook site!
I personally do not mind to be referred to as a father of my 3 children. I know that I am not exactly the traditional father figure, but it was I who fertilized the eggs which became my children. Even now that I am female, I believe the fact still holds that I am their dad. I remember raising my children and being called “Daddy” and I have so many great memories with my family. That was my name in the family since each of them were born and it was said to me with love over and over and over again about a million times. I remember this and I won’t forget it. Being a dad is part of who I am. I am a dad!
There are other transwomen in the T community who look at it as I do and they don’t mind being called “Dad.” As a matter of fact some of us are even proud that we are dads! We are probably in the minority but then again just about everything in the transgender world is up for questioning. We all have different opinions on just about everything! I look at it this way. When I first came into the T community I was greeted by a local transman who told me: “Deja, welcome to the Trans community. Let me acquaint you with the rules. Rule number one, THERE ARE NO RULES!” I always remember that when something comes up and there is disagreement.
Yes, we may have different thoughts on this third Sunday of June, but I think most of us can agree that fathers should be appreciated on this day.
So Happy Father’s Day, Happy Parent’s Day, Happy Transparent’s Day and if I’ve missed any other day of recognizing those who have the wonderful gift of children in their life please have yourself a wonderful day!
P.S. Don’t forget to call your Dad.
*Deja Nicole Greenlaw is a local transwoman who has 3 grown children and works at a local Fortune 500 company. She can be contacted at dejavudeja@sbcglobal.net.
