By: Joe Siegel/TRT Reporter
According to a 2008 report released by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (NCAVP), 67 percent of the reported incidences of domestic abuse in the gay community came from lesbians or gay men.
“While overall reports of domestic violence, which have grown steadily in the past decade, appear to be maintaining at the same rate, the violence has increased dramatically and interactions with the police appear to be compounding issues of violence. Programs have also reported an increasing demand from LGBTQ communities of color, young and elder, disabled, and immigrant victims of intimate partner violence,” the report said.
“With increased violence at the hands of intimate partners and of the police, and increasingly diverse communities seeking services, increased cultural competency in mainstream institutions and the continued presence of LGBTQ-specific anti-violence programs are needed now more than ever.”
Deborah DeBare, the executive director of the Rhode Island Coalition Against Domestic Violence, told The Rainbow Times her agency recorded 22 cases of same-sex domestic violence within the past year. Of that number, 20 involved women and 2 involved men. However, DeBare notes those are only the incidents that have been reported.
“To me, what that shows is there probably is a much greater comfort level (among) lesbians coming forward and seeking services than men who may not feel traditionally comfortable going to a mainstream domestic-violence program,” DeBare noted.
DeBare said the need for one partner to maintain power and control are the causes of domestic violence in both same-sex relationships and heterosexual relationships. However, what makes abuse in same-sex relationships unique is the atmosphere of homophobia, DeBare explained.
The partner who is being abusive to their spouse may threaten to “out” them to friends, family or co-workers.
“That provides an additional barrier to the victim to seek help,” DeBare said.
Research has shown some lesbian victims of abuse to be more willing and capable of taking on their abuser in a physical way.
“In a heterosexual relationship, the female is physically a lot weaker and is not able to fight back, but in some lesbian relationships you don’t have that dynamic. Both partners are equally capable of exerting physical control over the other,” DeBare said.
DeBare said it is difficult to know if the rate of domestic abuse among same-sex couples has increased the past few years. She notes there have been more reports of incidences of abuse due to the increase in services as well as the efforts to reduce the stigma of people who do come forward and seek help.
The Rhode Island Coalition Against Domestic Violence is made up of six agencies which provides counseling, shelter and counseling to victims of domestic abuse. A 24-hour helpline is available (800-494-8100).
One of the Coalition’s member agencies is Sojourner House in Providence. The organization provides counseling services for women who have been battered by their spouses and provides transitional housing.
The reasons why women stay in abusive relationships vary wildly, Erin Gargurevich-Gorman, a bilingual advocate at Sojourner House, told The Rainbow Times.
Some victims feel they have nowhere to go, while others stay with their partners for economic reasons. They may be dependent on their mates financially, so moving out of their home is not a viable option.
The average survivor of domestic abuse leaves their partner a total of seven times, said Gorman.
The majority of clients at Sojourner House are in heterosexual relationships. However, Gorman hopes to provide more resources for GLBTs.
Internalized homophobia often plays a role in abuse between same-sex partners, according to Gorman: “(The abuser) is expressing their self-hatred on their partner.”
The abuser may have been abused themselves at one point in their lives. Gorman said a “mutual unhealthiness” exists in abusive relationships. Abusers may be seeking someone to take their aggressions out on.
“There are a lot of underlying factors,” Gorman said, noting the violence perpetrated was not necessarily hatred for the one being abused. “It’s about control, power, and dominance.”
Gorman believes abusers can learn to change their behavior so they don’t commit violence against their partners, but it depends on whether or not they are willing to do the work.
Domestic violence is not about race or gender, Gorman explained. Entire communities are impacted by the abuse of a group of people.
“It affects everyone,” Gorman added.
Sojourner House is at 386 Smith Street, Providence. Their web site is
http://www.sojournerri.org. They also have a Facebook and a Twitter page.