By: Jason Lydon/TRT Columnist
The second Sunday in May is the annual celebration of Mother’s Day. Pharmacies overflow with cards covered with adorable images of baby animals nursing from their mothers. Flower shops offer specials on tulips for mom, grandma, and godmother. Restaurants host special brunches for mothers and families recognizing the specialness of the day.
Even with all of the mainstream celebrations there are many queer possibilities in Mother’s Day. It is regularly forgotten that the first Mother’s Day was a gathering of women working to put an end to war. Julia Ward Howe wrote the first Mother’s Day Proclamation in 1870. In it she calls upon us to, “Disarm! Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of Justice. Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.” With the violence of war just as much a reality today as it was in 1870, this proclamation is still relevant to our lives. As our queer families are regularly under attack, we can also take special note of Julia Ward Howe’s words. Mother’s Day need not be simply a sentimental or “Hallmark” holiday.
Our queer families look at motherhood in a multitude of ways. On our queer Mother’s Day we can certainly celebrate those mothers who gave birth to their children and raise them with great love. We can also celebrate mothers who raise children birthed by other women, whether those women be their romantic partners or some other woman they may never know. We can celebrate mothers who were once fathers, whose gender has changed but whose love for their children has not. We can celebrate House Mothers, those women in the Ball scene who look out for all the youth and young adults in their house. We can celebrate the people of any gender who live the qualities and practices we consider mothering in our lives, these may be family members or friends, who are there for us through our lives. We can celebrate fathers who are also mothers, whether they are single dads or part of a family with only fathers. So many of us lost our families of origin when we came out of the closet yet new mothers have shown up to care for us when we’re sick, yell at us when we’re being fools, and celebrate with us when we have moments of success; we can celebrate these mothers too.
On the morning of Mother’s Day, many moms, families, and friends will gather at the park in Fields Corner in Dorchester for the Annual Mother’s Day Walk for Peace. This walk is organized by the Louis D. Brown Peace Institute, an organization started by a mother whose son was murdered in the streets of Boston. This walk raises money to fund programs that teach young people about alternatives to violence and offer solutions to conflict that honors the experience of everyone involved. As queer people who know the realities of systemic and interpersonal violence we have much we can learn from the organizing of the Louis D. Brown Peace Institute. We can be open to the practices of restorative and transformative justice that they suggest. We can honor our own mothers, the mothering people in our lives and our children by heeding the call of Julia Ward Howe and gather in “the great and general interests of peace.”
Mother’s Day does not only belong to straight women and straight families. Mother’s Day is an open invitation to queer families to create and grow our own traditions that celebrate motherhood in its many complex and beautiful forms. We have the responsibility to meet the needs of our communities and as Marge Piercy reminds us in her poem, The Art of Blessing the Day, “If you can’t bless it, get ready to make it new.” This Mother’s Day let us both bless the day and make it queerly new.
